Bullet in My Hand
by LetsSingtheDoomSong
Summary: Roy's on another of his alcohol binges with a gun once again in his hand. Help this time does not come in the form of the late Maes Hughes, but in one of subordinates. Implied Royai. Inspired by the song Bullet in My Hand by Redlight King.
1. Bullet in My Hand

Dymond: Just something I did because I was bored & had this on the mind. I'm in the mood to write a little angst & I have Roy Mustang clawing at the back of my skull. Don't care about proper order of the anime/manga so fuck off. I've always wanted to do this to Roy, so here it goes. Implied Royai. Suicidal!Roy/Dymond strictly friendship relationship, maybe relatives not by blood. Like that cousin you could talk to about certain things. Possible story later on if I'm feeling ambitious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(The squiggles are ready for a good old fashioned angst)

"So you're just going to give up?"

Roy glanced up from the floor to the doorway, seeing the lone silhouette blocking what little light came through. Judging by the body frame it was the Inferno Alchemist Dymond Strong. "Are you gonna do it?" She questioned, her voice not joking at all. Her tone of voice was very unusual for someone with her personality: typically happy-go-lucky & sweet, but now her voice seemed to drop a few octaves; as if scolding a child. Or in this case, a man with a gun pressed against his temple. "Are you going to pull the trigger? See how many people you leave behind?" She questioned. She didn't even move from her spot in the doorway. She was testing the waters by her behavior.

Roy made no attempt to answer her. She was there during the Ishballen rebellions. She was younger then, not yet a state alchemist just a soldier with a gun, but she still used some alchemy to her benefit which got her noticed by the Fuhrer & put through the State Alchemist Exam. He was surprised she made Second Lieutenant at her age; she was at least 5 years younger than him. She was there when the news of Maes Hughes' death came in & felt the blow almost as hard as he did having seen an uncle in the man.

And now here she was challenging him; insubordination at its finest. But Roy was too drunk & unstable to care. "Colonel, put the gun down," She ordered lightly finally taking her first steps into the room. It reeked like a brewery which didn't surprise her with the numerous bottles that lined the Colonel's desk including a few of her own which she would reprimand him later for. "If Hawkeye could see you like this, she'd be disappointed."

And she had to bring up Hawkeye: his most trusted friend, companion, colleague & his love (not that he would admit it). "I... I can't take it anymore..." He mumbled, finally letting his arm fall on his leg, hanging haphazardly. The other reached for a glass of whiskey sitting on his desk.

She had finally reached his desk. She pressed her hands against the wood & leaned forward to get closer to Roy, but still remain just outside of his personal bubble. Typically she didn't care about the personal bubble people would form, but when it came to this: if she popped his bubble too soon, he'd pull the trigger. "So you're just going to blow your brains out? Is that it?"

"How do you deal with it?" He challenged, wondering what skeletons she had in her closet.

She smiled & lowered her eyes. She dug around in her pocket & pulled out a small 22 caliber bullet & set it carefully on the desk. "This is the bullet I mean to swallow when there is nothing left for me to hold on to. Every day, I take it out & stare at it, wondering what would happen if I just ended it. Then I think of Dani, of Ed, of Al, of Hawkeye, of everyone & think: 'I can't leave them behind!' This bullet is then returned to my pocket for another day."

Roy let his head fall so that his chin was resting on his collar bone. She carefully circled the desk & kneeled in front of the mentally troubled man. The glass was removed from his hand & he allowed it. "Don't do this to yourself, Roy." Mustang said nothing.

She reached out & gripped his shoulders, helping him sit up straighter. Then she buttoned his shirt up to pass military inspection before buttoning up his uniform jacket. She smoothed the material to be rid of the creases & fixed a few of his badges that had become crooked in his state of undress. "There, looking more like a Colonel with each moment," She commented placing a hand on his head, smoothing his hair back into its usual fashion.

Roy held up the gun seemingly pointing it at her, but she gently took the weapon from his limp fingers, setting it on the desk. "C'mon. Let's get you home. It's late."

"What time is it?"

Dymond, not wanting to tell him it was 4 in the morning, said, "Midnight." She hated lying to the man, but it was for his own good. He didn't need anymore guilt on his conscience.

He nodded drunkenly allowing her to catch him by his arm & help him outside of Central. There was only one car in the street still parked, which belonged to Roy. Dymond fished the keys out of his pants pocket & got him in the passenger seat. She got in the driver's seat & started the car.

The drive was mostly silently aside from a few moans from Roy, complaining that the 'room was spinning'.

Until he asked, "Why are you doing this, Strong?"

Dymond bit her lower lip, trying to collect together the right words to say. "I made a promise," She finally said turning down the street leading to Roy's little apartment above the bar he frequented (& belonged to his aunt/foster mother).

"To who?"

"Riza." She pulled over in front of the bar turning off the ignition. She got out & moved to help him out of the car. He slumped heavily against her, forcibly moving his feet along with her careful strides. "Just hang in there, Roy. I'm not dragging your dead weight up stairs. I will leave you on the stairs."

"What was the promise...?" He asked even if his speech was slurred. Dy thankfully could understand 'Drunk-Speak'. Each step made it seem like the door was getting farther & farther away for Roy, Dy felt like it was just taking forever to get to his door.

"Almost there," She said avoiding the subject & never realizing just how heavy her boss was.

"Avoiding the question. I could... I could... have you fired..."

"You could. But you won't," She said helping him up the final few stairs. She shifted the keys until they dangled in front of Roy's eyes. "Which one?"

He gestured to the small silvery one with a small engraving at the top shaped like a horse (probably a joke by his Aunt). She maneuvered the key into her fingers & inserted it into the lock. She booted the door open & pulled the man inside. His apartment seemed almost barren with very little furniture it seemed. His bedroom no different.

She dumped Roy unceremoniously on to the bed. She dragged him up until his head rested on his pillow. She pulled off his shoes one by one tucking them by the edge of the bed. "That promise-" He was silenced by a pillow abruptly smacking against his face.

He had the blanket roughly torn out under him before being tossed over him. "There all snug in your bed. You should be fine," She said before walking over to the small bookshelf that sat in the far corner. A few books, mostly alchemic texts which she promptly picked up the text on elemental alchemy.

"What're you doing?" Roy questioned watching her move over to a seat that Maes had left there to wait for him to get ready in the morning when he slept in. Maes always came over to make sure he was to work on time.

She sat down & got comfy before cracking open the book & flipping to a page. "Going to make sure you won't do anything stupid sir," She answered, her eyes memorizing the words to better improve her own alchemy.

She suddenly tossed the book on the nearby table & muttered, "Already read this. Got anything good? New? Old? Classic? Horror?" She looked around before looking at him with narrowed eyes, "Erotic?"

"I thought you wanted me to sleep?"

"Yes, but after I have good reading material. Because, quite frankly, watching you sleep is very creepy."

"Try reading Logical Investigations. Bottom shelf," Roy muttered burying his face in his pillow.

Dymond glanced back at him in shock at the title, surprised that he even possessed the book. "Edmund Husserl? Weird," She muttered before getting up to retrieve the book.

She had gotten about 3 pages in when she heard Roy softly start to snore. She smiled warmly at the sound & stood up. "Finally. Now if you'll excuse me, Roy Mustang, I have a date with your couch. See you in the morning."

Roy awoke the next morning, his head absolutely pounding in his skull, no recollection of how he returned home (or how he got his shoes off for that matter) & his little apartment didn't smell like booze like he was accustomed to. Instead he smelled the pleasant smell of fresh cooked ham with eggs.

He slowly got out of bed & nursed his throbbing head in one hand. He stepped into the kitchen section of his apartment & found a plate of ham, eggs & a slice of bread, buttered naturally sitting on his little table. There was a small envelope sticking out underneath the plate.

He shrugged & sat down to enjoy the meal that his aunt must have made (why she did, he'd have no idea. She hates cooking for him much less say anything to him except to give him information or to criticize him). He pulled the envelope out & opened it, tipping it upside to let its contents spill out. A single bullet plopped out along with a little note.

_Hang on to this for me, would you?_

_By the way, get better reading material. It's really sad that the best book you have on the shelf is by Edmund Husserl & that man could kill by boring someone to death if you're not intellectually literate to what he has to say._

_x Inferno Alchemist_

_Dymond Strong_

He set the let down & picked up the bullet turning it over in his hand. Roy bit the inside of his cheek before standing up, ignoring his meal. He walked calmly back into his room to the bookshelf. He set the bullet upright on the shelf that held _Logical Investigations_, no longer on the bottom shelf to be forgotten.

"Why don't I ever fire you?


	2. Happy now, Seme?

Dymond: Alright because I love my Seme very much, I'm adding a part two to Bullet in My Hand. She is a rabid Royai fan so I will appease the woman since I am her bitch. And rabid fangirls are scary fangirls. I should know: I am one. Well here it is! Listening to the songs Happiness is a Warm Gun by the Beatles, No More Words by Endeverafter, Angel with a Shotgun by the Cab, Slipping by Dr. Horrible & Soldiers by Drowning Pool while working so I have no idea where this will go! I'm a little scared.

Not one of my better attempts at Royai, but I'm relatively pleased with how this turned out. Not to out of character I believe for Roy & Riza. Who knows, I haven't watched FMA in a while since I don't get my channels anymore & my internet is slower than a slug. I should get on that.

Comments make me feel special so COMMENT. Don't just fav. Love you, peace out!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(The squiggles is with Seme on this one with making it more fluffy)

Roy had no idea how he made it back to the office the day after he recovered from his hangover (Dymond had apparently already called him the day before, before he woke up which he was shocked they believed her since she's tried to get out of work with the excuse that dragons had taken over her kitchen). He ignored most of the younger men & women who greeted him with their boring tones from lack of sleep, some even saying 'Glad you're feeling better.'

He stopped only when he saw Danielle walking by with an unconscious Inferno Alchemist balanced in her arms with her head resting on the older woman's shoulder. "What happened to her?"

"Worked 24 hours straight. Don't know why. All she said was that she had work to do when I left last night & she was still working when I got back & she's been working since yesterday morning. I don't know what's got her in a fit," Dani explained adjusting her grip on the alchemist's body. "I'm going to go lay her down. I'm sorry, sir."

"No, it's quite alright. Make sure she gets plenty of rest." Roy continued toward his office.

"Uh... Yes, sir," She glanced down at the snoozing Dymond & asked, "Is he okay?" She shook her head & continued toward the officers rooms.

He sat down heavily in his chair & noticed that the alcohol bottles had been cleared from his desk aside from one which had fallen to the floor & rolled under his desk & out of sight from whoever cleaned it up. The gun was gone, probably in his desk somewhere. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Roy reached down & picked up the bottle of scotch he was drinking straight from. He rolled the cool glass over in his hand; he was able to remember that part of the night... The gun against his temple, the Inferno Alchemist walking in, verbally challenging him, then taking the glass of whiskey away & that was all she wrote. Everything went blank & when he would try to remember, he'd pull up nothing.

All he could figure out was that the alchemist had stayed late for whatever reason, came to his office, saw him in one of his lowest moments, talked him down from shooting himself right then & there & somehow got him home in his car. Then managed to drag him up 2 flights of stairs, got his door open, dragged him to bed, got him into bed, pulled off his shoes, threw the blanket over him & then crashed on the couch.

He then realized that she got up early to make him breakfast, write the note, stick it in an envelope & then walked to work which was a good 3 miles away.

He made a mental note to find a way to repay her without anyone actually noticing.

His eyes shot to the door when he heard someone knock. Assuming it was probably Danielle reporting that Dy was tucked away in bed he called out, "Come in."

Not Danielle Sage... Riza Hawkeye.

_If Hawkeye could see you like this, she'd be disappointed._

Did Dymond tell her what happened? No, Riza would come here regardless if he was in some sort of trouble or not. Dymond would never tell a soul what had taken place 2 nights ago & how unprofessional he behaved. Drinking at work, why kind of soldier does that? Not to mention someone in a position of command? He did apparently.

"Sir?"

His attention snapped back to the blonde woman in the room. "Wha?"

"I asked if you were all right? You were gone yesterday," She repeated, a little worried now. "And I wanted to know the reason why the Inferno Alchemist was the one telling everyone that you weren't feeling well. Normally you two bicker like old men & now she's covering for you? What happened?"

"Nothing. I just got a small case of the flu," He responded ditching the bottle back under his desk once he was sure she didn't see it. It wasn't a total lie; he spent most of the morning hunched over the toilet in an attempt to cough up his internal organs. His breakfast went cold & he had to reheat it in order to actually enjoy it. The first real breakfast he probably had in weeks, probably the first real food he's had in weeks.

"Sir, I've worked with you for... God only knows how long. I know when you're lying."

What is with the women working under him challenging him all of a sudden? It's like karma finally had enough of him begging for miniskirts & decided to turn all the women against him. Roy rested his chin on his folded hands & looked to the young woman in front of him. Riza: the woman he loved but didn't have the balls to actually tell her.

_She'd be disappointed..._

He reached for a few of the drawers of his desk & opened them one by one until he came across the gun that not 24 hours before was against his temple. He pulled it out & set it on the desk. Hawkeye's gaze only flickered to it before returning to him. "24 hours ago I had that against my head; piss drunk, not a care in the world. 24 hours ago, you would have been very disappointed in me."

"And Strong came in here."

"Yeah. Talked me down from doing it. Made me realize who I'd leave behind & what they would feel like; what you would feel like." Riza just listened, quietly, as he explained the entire night with what he could remember. Strong would have to fill in the rest of the details, but he knew enough to get his explanation across.

When he stopped talking, Riza was next to him, a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," She said, her eyes low. He made no move, so she leaned down & hugged him around his neck. He, in return, turned in her hold & hugged her waist.

Nothing else was said. Just a comfortable silence & the small click of the gun being placed back in the drawer to be forgotten for another day.

Dymond awoke a few hours later with something balanced on her forehead & a note taped to her nose. She reached up & grabbed a very familiar item: the bullet she gave Roy Mustang. She smiled before pulling the note off her nose.

_Challenge me again: I will set you on fire, Inferno Alchemist._

_Colonel Roy Mustang_

_Flame Alchemist_

_P.S. Riza says thanks._

_P.S.S. Keep the bullet. Use it on something that matters._

"Will do, sir," She saluted the note before stashing it in her uniform. "And I wasn't fired. Fury, you owe me money!" She dashed for the offices to announce her win to her little friend


End file.
